the evil inside of me
by moonlessnight93
Summary: They were never ment to survie this fight, now death was finaly catching up to them". Sam over dose the powers now they are taking him over what do you do when the one preson whao can destory the world loses himself is my 1st fanfic! so please be nice!
1. 1 a walk in darkness

_I remember black skies and lighting all around me _

_I remembered each flash as time began to burn _

_Like a startling sign that fait had finally found me _

_And your voice was all I heard_

_That I get what I deserve_

_So give me reason_

_To prove me wrong to wash this memory clean_

_Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes _

_Give me reason _

_To fill this hole ignite the space between _

_Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies_

_Across this new divide_

_There is nothing inside the memories left abandoned_

_There was nowhere to hid the ashes fell like snow _

_And the ground caved in between where were standing _

_And your voice was all I heard _

_That I get what I deserve_

_So give me reason_

_To prove me wrong to wash this memory clean_

_Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes _

_Give me reason _

_To fill this hole ignite the space between _

_Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies_

_Across this new divide_

_And every loss_

_And every lie_

_And every truth that you deny _

_And each regret _

_And each divide_

_Are some mistakes you pray to hide_

_And your voice was all I heard but I get what I deserve_

_So give me a reason To prove me wrong_

_to wash this memory clean_

_Let the thoughts cross the distance in your eyes _

_Give me a reason _

_To fill this hole _

_Connect the space between _

_Let it be enough to reach the truth and lies _

_Across this new divide _

_Across this new divide _

_Across this new divide _

_Linkin park -New Divide_

Chapter one-

The rain was a constant background noise, one that should have lulled Sam Winchester to sleep hours ago. But sleep still eluded him, his mind refused to stop its whirl wind of thoughts. Memories, thoughts and emotions all mixed together ,creating confusion and doubt. The only thing the stood out clearly were the last words Palma had said to him , they never fogged over nor dulled despite the several months that had passed since her death.

" It's evil Sam, it wants out… stop before it takes over you please"

Sam knew he was changing , there was no doubt in his mind. Every time he use's his powers he felt something within him stir trying to push him over the fine line he had been walking since he was born. The line he didn't know about until that fateful day Dean want to grab him from college.

It would whisper to his fevered mind telling him to make the demon suffer, to punish it for it's crimes before sending it back to hell. Most of the time it didn't win he learned to ignore the voice and force it to the very depths of his mind. The others times ,Sam shuttered at the memory of the time when he finely gave in, it was the time when he killed Alister. He still remembered every little detail the fear he felt when he saw Dean bloodily and unconscious on the floor. Fear that quickly turned into pure, untamable rage all if it directed at Alister. Sam didn't see any colors nothing but blood red. Once again the voice filed his mind telling to make this demon suffer and he did. Within seconds he had Alister pinned to a wall, screams quickly echoed off the walls each one was filled with pure agony ,to Sam it was music to his ears. The voice sighed with happiness .

Sam shook his head trying to dislodge the memory and breathed deeply before turning to face the red glow of the alarm clock 2AM "_ another sleepless night"_ he thought. Getting up he looked out the window it was still raining hard, but he needed to get out of the room. Every time he looked at the walls he could swear they were closing in on him.

As quietly as he could Sam got dressed grabbing his jacket on his way to the door. With one last look at his sibling he walked out the door.

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He was immodestly drenched, the freezing rain infiltrated into his clothes . Seeping into his very bones almost as if the rain was trying to kill the last flame the resided in his soul. Taking in a shaky breath he began to walk down the street a lone figure in the darkness . Sam conutied to walk alone . The iciness kept beating into him and Sam couldn't help but smirk at the irony he saw in it. All his life everything had been set against him. Both people and demons a like have tried to break him, force him to bend to there will. The demons took away his father, mother, girlfriend and even Dean. They've tried to take ways his humanity and even seceded in taking his life once . But thought all that Sam refused to break that was until Dean was ripped away form him. The unwanted memory came back Dean lying on the blood soaked carpet, his eyes vacant soul gone. The young hunter shook his head he didn't want to remember that. Suddenly an anxious feeling washed over him he felt like he was be watched but when he Scand his surroundings nothing was out of place, yet the feeling was still there. Frantic eyes searched for a place to rest .Sam quickly spotted an abandoned building he started walking towards it not stopping until he was on the roof. But the feeling returned and Sam now knew who had been fallowing him, "Hello Castiel"

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Casteil had been watching the youngest Winchester, he fallowed him to the roof of an old building. As Sam faced him he watched the boys eyes widened with fear then it was gone and replaced with acceptance and Sam gave him what he guessed was supposed to be a smile but turned out into more of a grimace. He soon made it clear that he wasn't going to move . With grace Castiel walked out into the rain to stand next to Sam underneath a canopy. Silence hung between the two before Sam broke it " if your going to kill me then get it over with."

The angel cocked his head to the side " Why would I kill you?" he herd Sam snort over the noise of the rain before Sam turned to face him.

" _so it is true "_ he thought , looking into Sam's eyes he could see right into his soul. Anger and grief were mostly there but underneath it all was loneliness . He could see that Sam's soul had been torn so many times . Old wounds that will never heal were ever present.

Sam turned away breaking the angels train of thought and his previous question went unanswered. "Why are you out here Sam?"

Still no answer Silence engulfed them once more. "What do you want from me Castiel?"

The angel looked back at him taking note in the bags under his eye's

"to understand" he simply said

"Understand what?" Sam's tone held an edge of impatience in it

"You have Azzel blood in you , Sam rolled his eyes you fell something inside of you wanting to break free to kill so it may gain control and you have a death wish. Yet you fight it constantly, you close your self off to your brother to everything why?"

Thunder sounded over head and the rain fell harder.

"I fight what's inside of me because the world doesn't deserve to end. you've watched humans ,seen the good and evil in them. They can be cruel but they can also be kind."

"You talk like you weren't one like you weren't human"

Castiel herd Sam laugh bitterly "am I human? I've got demon blood in me but I belong to nether side, they both reject me"

The angel studied the man before him it was true nether side did own him yet they both had claim to him. No none owned him except for his brother a human. It was ironic how a human owned the half breed.

"NO but both sides own you" He noticed that Sam stiffened that his words and he breathed harder

"You've only talked to me once and that was not a purpose so for the last time want do you want?"

The angel was silent for a wheil "you could end the world I know sometimes you think about it "

Sam shock his head the last of his pacants was running out" what do you want from me!?"

Castiel just stared him down Sam's glare never faltered unblinking he said just one word" answers " then he was gone leaving Sam alone in the dark " Were I belong "


	2. Chapter 2 The demon

Chapter2

Disclaimer- still don't own anything

AN- this is about 3 weeks after ch1

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_I remember black skies and lighting all around me _

_I remembered each flash as time began to burn _

_Like a startling sign that fait had finally found me _

_And your voice was all I heard_

_That I get what I deserve_

_Linkin park -New Divide_

The full moon hung in the blacked sky casting tendrils of sliver light though the small windows of an abounded house . Inside a fire crackled sinisterly in the fire place. In the center of the room was a young female, bound to a chair her long blond hair hid her battered face. For the thousandth time she tried to break free of her restraints, but she quickly gave up her efforts the devils trap held her in place. Out of frustration she allowed her thoughts to turned to more sinister things like how she was going to enjoy killing that bitch ruby nice and slowly, the squeal of a cars breaks interrupted the demons dark thoughts a few moments latter the door opened and it couldn't help but scoff right behind Ruby was non other than Sam Winchester "_oh this is so going to be fun"_

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It started with a phone call Sam picked up his trio only to see a number on the screen, no name was displayed a part of him his demon side sifted in it's seat again . It wanted danger to experience the thrill of having complete power over another once more. The voice entered his mind once again begging him to go to Ruby. He hit the talk button and held it to his ear" hello?"

And this is were it had gotten him in an old house with Ruby and a demon. He looked in Ruby's diction and she nodded he begin to interrogate the demon.

" where's Lilith?"

It looked up at him smiling cruelly " Well, well look who's finally stepped out from behind his big brother. How is Dean any way I miss his screams in the morning"

Sam's body tensed ,his whole body throbbed with power all he wanted to do was send her back to hell

" _why send her back to hell when you can kill her Sammy_?" a silky voice whispered to his confused mind .The demon in front of him just kept talking about how Dean was ripped apart over and over again , how he screamed his Sam's name over and over. Anger fueled him and the voice in his head wasn't helping him control it. _" just do it Sam , she tortured Dean why shouldn't we do the same ?_ his hand shook , his whole body shook with uncontrolled fury_ Just do it Sam make her scream , make her wither in agony.__** TAKE YOUR REVENGE!"**_

And he did arm out stretched Sam allowed the power to flow out of him. Screams filled the cabin as the demons host began to bleed and wither in agony. Sam never saw Ruby smiling at him nor did he see his own. He never realized that he was smiling at the pain he was causing both the host and the demon .

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Sorry this is so short everyone the next chapter will be longer and it might have some more Dean in it maybe dialog! If this story is hard to fallow or if you need some help understanding just ask and I'll answer your questions in chapter 3 or I'll do an authors note as always keep up the reviews they let me know what I need to work on I don't mind hard core critics


	3. chapter3

Sorry its late guys my computer is being wacky =(

Disclaimer- I own nothing except a pen

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Chapter3

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

"_good things do happen Dean"_

"_not in my experience they don't "_

The silence in the brother's hotel room was proof of that. Dean scrubbed his face and sighed, so many emotions were running high all at once. Anger, fear and guilt were the most apparent. Anger because Sam was no longer his, the Sammy he knew all his life was nearly gone replaced with a stranger that he hardly knew. Fear not just for himself but also for Sam, he was using his powers and growing stronger that fact scared him more than anything. Sam was all he had and if he feel so would Dean. But the guilt he felt outweighed everything else; he'd done this to Sam ,he had left him all alone for four months in the middle of a war_ "you keep fighting ok Sam?" it_ was the one thing he really asked of Sam and he couldn't help but laugh that was one promise Sam had truly kept it was going to be his downfall also.

Realization hit him like a tidal wave this whole mess was as much as his fault as it was Sam's possibly more. _"no more_ he thought_ no more lies. secrets and silence_" it was all going to end tonight when Sam got back they were going to have a long talk even if it led to a chick flick moment.

Dean herd scraping of the key in the lock seconds latter the doorknob turned his eyes widened as he took in his little brother's appearance .blood covered Sam from almost head to toe ,he was pale and transparent and his breathing came in short, ragged gapes. "d…dn?" then Sam collapsed with a skinning thud on the floor. Horrified Dean went to his brother his own heart was pounding in his chest so hard that he was sure it would burst from his body. Carefully he picked Sammy off the ground and placed him into his lap, hugging him tightly; afraid that if he didn't feel the strong beat of his little brothers heart Sam would surly disappear forever. At the time Dean had no clue that he was right yet seriously wrong at the same time.

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Something was wrong that much he knew. Sam's head was pounding the fact that his heart was pounding in his ears reminding his of the toxic blood that was to forever flow though his veins didn't help one bit. The blood from the demon he had killed clung to him like a sin. It was nearly midnight when Ruby dropped him off at the hotel, Sam could barely stand much less walk across the parking lot to the room but he managed.

By the time he reached the door his hands were shaking so bad that it took him several tries to unlock the door, it didn't help that his vision had started to blur. Finally he got the door opened and walked into the room expecting darkness to great him instead of the light. Sam's eyes widened with fear as the blurry shape took the from of his older sibling. _"oh god"_ the youngest Winchester tried to talk, to explain his apperearance but he couldn't the pain in his head had fully over took him. All he wanted to do was scream but he couldn't before he fell into the welcoming arms of darkness he managed to say his brothers name then the world went black as he fell unconscious. Allowing the light to fade and darkness take him.

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It finally had him after over22 years of waiting locked away the being Azzel created was fee. Quickly the darker part of Sam took him over, destroying the last dying flame inside the boy. It was growing stronger by the second gorging itself on the hate and despair the resided in Sam's soul. All the while filling it with even more pain and rage. Within minutes it had successfully incapacitated the good part of Sam, now all it had to do was make Sam embrace the part of him, he feared the most. It would win that it was sure of , with this in mind it began calling all demons to witness the birth of the antichirst and the death of the Winchesters

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SHOULD I KEEP GOING ? PLZ REVIEW IT MAKES ME HAPPY=) P.S SUGAR HIGHS RULE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!1 ;)


	4. Chapter 4 in the minds eye

AN- hi guys what's up? =) ok before you start reading I needed to clear a question up that someone asked me about Sam s dark side. When ever you see a line and hear "Azzels creation or counter part or it" that is the dark side of Sam pov Next this chapter dose have some swearing in it I apologize if this upsets you and as always I own nothing expect the clothes on my back happy reading & don't forget to review!!!

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CHAPTER 4

IN THE MINDS EYE

_There's something inside that pulls beneath the surface consuming, confusing this lack of self-control I fear is never ending. Controlling I cant seem to find myself again my walls are closing in _

_- crawling by linkin park_

Fear its amazing how much power it really has over us. How it can turn and twist us so when we look into the mirror we can't see ourselves anymore ,instead stranger looks back at us. It allows the darkness inside of us to grow and shed light onto our true selves.

This is what Azzles creation was doing to Sam twisting him, breaking him , forcing Sam to face his true self. The best way do this was to use Sam's fears agienst him. In his mind it felt Sam stir, quickly it surrounded his counter part in darkness. It was time to begin breaking Sam.

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Sam awoke not to darkness but to light. The dull, whiping of a fan filled his ears, the cot thin mattress caused the bars to dig into his back. With a groan, Sam opened fear and adenine mixed in his veins creating a dangerous combination. Iron walls surrounded him reminding him of prison. The concrete floor was littered with symbols one of them was a devils trap. Realization struck him hard, he was at Bobby's locked away in the panic room like a dirty little secrete.

"DEAN?" nothing

"DEAN?!"

A dark laughter erupted all around him echoing off the walls. "who's there?" he hated the fact that he couldn't keep the fear out of his voice causing it to be shaky. Nevertheless, he had every right to be afraid.

"Hello Sam." the coldness in that voice froze him to his very core. Alistair was standing in front of him in the same body he was killed in. All the training Sam had been taught went out the window.

With a sadistic smile in place, Alistair picked up a knife from a tray eyeing it with admiration. "Shall we get started?" before he knew what was happening Sam felt his arms were bound with thick leather straps and his shirt was torn open reveling his sun kissed skin. Steel met flesh and blood the blade seemed to smile gleefully as it was forever stained crimson. Sam screamed, he screamed for forgiveness, for mercy but most of all he screamed for Dean to be there breaking down the door making the pain disappear with a single touch and with claming words that always soothed his aching heart and soul. However, Dean didn't come and instead of his brothers voice carrying him into the darkness it was pain and screams.

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Trapped in the darkening vast that was his mind Sam was unaware of the fact that is brother was at his side forever watchful and vilagent over his little brother. After Sam had fallen Dean was able to catch him, saving him from one more bruise in the morning. The demon blood was covering both of them. When his senses returned to him Dean lifted all 355lb of his brother o0ff the ground cleaned up and into his bed then he called Bobby ( no it wasn't that easy) that was three days ago.

Right now Sam was still in bed he hadn't moved at all and he was pilled high with blankets his fever had not broken. Deans hand were shaking badly fear was coursing though his veins strongly and the anger he felt at Sammy pushed it aside.

"_if he didn't fucking use his stupid powers. If he had just listened to me. When he gets out of this I - I have demon blood in me DEAN! Pumping thought me 24 /7 and I can never get rid of it! Am a completely new level of freak! An- and im just trying to take this cruse and make something good of it!"_ those words had been repeating in his brain for the last 3 days.

"_why dose it always half to come down to that?"_

Since he started hunting with Sam there were constant thoughts in the back of his mind, after 4 years and seeing Sam after he'd returned to hell these thought surfaced more and more.

A knock at the door disturbed his dark thoughts, moment latter Bobby was crossing the thresh hold taking in Deans appearance to say the kid looked like crap would be the underestimate of the year. His face was haggard looking and his eyes were sunking in dark rings were present under both eyes.

" hey Bobby"

" Dean what going on?"

As if waiting for a que Sam begain to groan in pain mumbling incoherently. In an instant dean was at his side. Bobby's heart fell as he took in Sam's appearance. The kid was pale almost transparent . Sweat had plastered his shirt to his chest, small tremors racked though his body.

Dean reached out towards Sam attempting to clam his brother growing agitation. But the second Deans hand came into contact with brothers heated skin, Sam screamed it was like nothing Dean ever herd in hell or on earth.

"**NO! PLEASE! PLEASE STOP! ALISTER NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

Bobby watched as Dean shock Sam in a vein attempt to wake him but Sam still grew even more agitated and scared.** "NOOOO!"** the lamp between the beds shattered then Sam stilled. Dean looked up at Bobby fear was avendant in his eyes.

"what's happening to him bobby?"

The elder hunter looked helplessly at Dean, for once he was at lost for words.

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The darkness surrounding him was a comfort, Sam was unwilling to wake up when the peace the darkness brought him faded but he forced himself to. Memories of Alister came back to him in a rush and he shot straight up. His arms moved freely at his side unbound. _"maybe it was just a nightmare"_

But his wish faded when pain shot through his lower abdomen ,pain that was all to real. With trembling fingers he slid is hand over his 8 pack ( hey I cant help it he is hot!! ) craved in his flesh were 5 jagged letters spelling out DEMON " no" tears blind his vision "its not true"

"why not Sam?" he looked around for sound of his voice. A boy about12 standing near him. He had the same shaggy brown hair that Sam did. It wasn't until the boy lifted his head, revealing his pure hazel eyes . It was Sam when he was12 year old.

"are you?"

"You? Yeah I am"

Sam shook his head" Why are you hear?"

The younger version of himself didn't answer right away he just stared back at Sam. (AN- YOUNGER VERSION OF SAM IS CALLED SAMMY OLDER ONE SAM)

"What happened Sam? I thought we were going to be normal? We were free , we were away from dad ,went to collage. How Sam ? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! TO US ?"

Sam looked up at Sammy and fixed the kid with a cold stare "Life doesn't always trun out the way you want it to"

Sammy sighed What about Jess she loved you"

Anger rose up in him Sam snapped at Sammy " Hey I tried, I tried to run. I ran all the way to California and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED! Sam fisted his hand a mile in to his hair

" I could never escape this" he whispered quietly

Sammy sighed in defeat "your right after all how can you run away when what your running from is in your blood."

Sam stepped back away from Sammy, his eyes were yellow "No" he backed into a wall.

The boy stepped forward "yes" quicker than lighting he placed his hand on Sam's forehead . Screaming once again filled the panic room. Sammy vanished and Sam fell to the floor gasping for breathing the silence, a silence that didn't last long the veins in Sam's body be came visible , the normal blue color was slowly being replaced with black ,it started from his head making its way though his body. The pain was unmanageable but darkness wouldn't come to relive the pain. All Sam could do was scream as he crumpled to the floor crying out for his brother. The letters on his stomach started to bleed.

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OK PEOPLE CHAPTER 5 MIGHT BE DELAYED SCHOOL IS DIVING ME NUTS!! OS IF YOU HAVE NOT HEARD FROM ME IN A FEW WEEKS I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT THIS STORY WILL BE CONIUTED =) OH WHEN YOU REVIEW I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR WANT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER.=)


	5. CH5 A COLD HARD TRUTH

AU- I'M BACK :) ok first I ask you're forgiveness for taking so long for updating I had major writers block and I my computer decided to take a vacation.

DISCLAMER- don't own anything but I can dream!!!!!!

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Previously- The pain was unmanageable but darkness wouldn't come to relive the pain. All Sam could do was scream as he crumpled to the floor crying out for his brother. The letters on his stomach started to bleed.

CHAPTER5- a cold hard truth

How can you see into my eyes like open doors, Leading you down into my core where I become so numb without a soul- BRING ME TO LIFE , EVANESCENCE

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Death what dose it mean? some people define it as the ending of a life and the begging of something more. Most people would say death is just another word for dead and both mean that your internal organs have shut down and brain function decrease until it is unable to maintain control over the body's systems. But cant these words be inturpited in a different way? Cant you be alive on the outside yet still dead on the inside and if so how dose this happen to some one Is it just a simple case of there life not taking the direction they want it to or they have to deal with the stress of a job that doesn't full fill them? How dose a person die on the inside yet still look alive on the outside?

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Dean looked at his brother really looked since the first time since he had gotten back from hell . Sam's complexion reminded him of death. His brothers once sun-kissed skin was now pale and it was getting paler by the second, standing out agienst the white banges that were wound tightly across his abdomen. If dean couldn't hear the shallow sound of Sam drawing air into his starved lungs He would have thought the worst. He couldn't help staring down at the bandages that were hiding the jagged letters that were cut into his brothers flesh. Spelling out a word that still hurt booth brothers. DEMON.

Dean couldn't ever recall ever feeling that much fear as he watched the letters being torn into Sam's flesh. Nor could he block out the pain filled screams as he watched all the veins in Sams body begin to bulge and blacken as Bobby and he stood there in shock.

After that Sam got even worse, tremors racked his body every second he quickly spiked a dangerously high fever that refused to go down.

Despite both his and Bobby's best efforts they couldn't figure what was worng with Sam.

It had been weeks since Sam clasped on the motel floor, weeks since Dean had a good night sleep. Dean wasn't sure of much but he could tell that Sam was losing this battle and he could do nothing to aid his sibling . Tears poured down the young hunters face as

Life's truth finally hit him hard. His family should have died long time ago ,they were never meant to survive this fight. Not it felt like death was finally caching up them.

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Well what did ya think? I know it short but I wanted to get something up & I'm all ready working on ch6 feed back would be great so hit the button come on ya know ya wanta


	6. THE EVIL INSIDE OF ME

**Hi every one I'm back. I know some of you might be giving me death glares right now but real life finally got me and wouldn't let me go for some time I know this chap is kind of short but I will be updating regularly or I will try to its time I finished this story **

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**Chapter 6**

**The evil inside of me**

_**I see nothing in your eyes , and the more I see the less I like, is it over yet in my head? I know nothing of your kind and I wont reveal your evil mind is it over yet I cant win- breath -breaking Benjamin **_

**The pain had faded to a dull throb, Sam opened his eyes studying his new surroundings. The panic room had given away to a whole new environment. Now he was standing in a vast desert. Fast moving storm clouds blocked out the sun, over head thunder crackled, lighting flashed. **

" **Took you long enough I was starting to worry"**

**Sam froze he knew that voice but it couldn't be him, slowly Sam turned around. His eyes betraying his emotions hurt, betrayal, fear, pain and confusion were all on display, in front of him was someone who he deeply trusted. He was the man that Sam would gladly die for, he was his father, the mother he never had. He was his best friend , his protector, he was his brother. **

" **Dean"**

" **hi ya Sammy"**

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**I swear I will not leave you hanging like this for weeks plz push the button to let me know what ya think still look for a beta help is greatly needed**


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